After working 12 hours all I wanted to do was veg out on the couch and eat Oreos and drink wine and watch some Fixer Upper. But then I started texting a friend with some really strong design opinions that I suddenly realized are very blog-worthy. And so here we are. 

I was watching this one house get fixed up and as they do the walk-through Joanna says, “Remember that tiny-ass bedroom that was here before? Well, we built you a whole new wall and now you have space for all of those many activities you’ve always wanted to do right next to your bed!”

Okay. Maybe she didn’t exactly say that but it was pretty darn close.

I’d had a conversation with the friend I was texting months ago about the ridiculous sizes that bedrooms have become. And as I was watching this episode tonight, and they panned from the bedroom to the bathroom I thought, where is the closet? Where is that gem of the entire house? Oh, wait. Is it that door over there? That tiny-ass door? Jo! I thought we were doing away with tiny-ass things!

But she didn’t. Not this time.

So here’s what I propose: forego that extra square footage and build you a goddamn beautiful sanctuary full of perfectly organized clothes and accessories.

I’m going to go ahead right now and squash those nagging questions that I’m certain are popping up:

  1. Where do I put my dresser?
    1. In your tiny-ass closet that is now a big-ass closet! Duh!
  2. I’m a parent and I absolutely need that me-space to avoid murdering my children.
    1. No, you don’t! Because guess what! Everyone ever’s “me-space” has turned into a glorified laundry basket. So why not just build a big-ass closet from the get-go.
  3. Where will I do my yoga?
    1. Honestly? Nowhere. Or at least not after the first five weeks. #TruthHurts

Those are the only questions I could think up. Anything beyond those is a dumb question. Because yes, there are dumb questions.

[The version of me where I work all day is an asshole. I have just now realized that.]

So anyways, I’m now trying to get the wife on board with this idea where we move the bed into our walk-in closet and the closet into our bedroom. It’s especially perfect because the closet already has a window. String some fairy lights and it’ll be the cutest Insta pic you’ve ever seen.

My friend John suggested some fainting couches and I agreed that at least two is crucial because how am I supposed to anticipate which direction I’m going to fall? He also had the brilliant idea to include an entire rack dedicated to the clothes that you would have thrown on the floor–the ones that are not clean but also not dirty and you can totally wear again at least 3.5 more times.

So I’m pretty sure we’re going to take some measurements and really flip this whole home design on its head. And he’s an architect so really I trust anything he tells me.



P.S. I think Cyber Monday is a scam. Just my 75 cents. (I know the saying is “two cents” but I think I’m worth more.)

been listening to my Broadway playlist a lot lately so this feels good.


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