I don’t make enough money or our rent is too high. Or a little of both. Either way though, we are struggling financially just a bit. Because of that, I decided to take on some extra work with a catering company that a few of my coworkers are involved with. Today is my first day and I am feeling very anxious about it.
Some people refer to this as a “side hustle.” Let the record show, I am not one of those people. Especially because side hustle sounds cool and badass and working on a Saturday in pants that are two sizes too small that I have to use a rubber band to keep together and a button-down shirt that I feel like I’m hulking out of is just not really my idea of “badass.”
From the time of writing this, I have exactly one hour until I have to get in the car and I am frantically watching the clock and counting down. I really don’t remember if I was always like this… or maybe it comes in waves? But being thrust into social situations where I don’t know a single person and all the people in attendance know each other gives me great anxiety. Like major.
My chest currently feels like I have a miniature elephant sitting on me and simultaneously holding onto and stretching my lungs. My stomach feels uneasy and I can tell the nervous poops are about to start. I’m terrified of getting stuck in traffic or not finding a place to park and being late. I am equally terrified of showing up early. I hate entering buildings for the first time and not knowing where to go. I’m stressed about potentially be finished at 2am and driving back in the dark and falling asleep at the wheel during my 45 minute commute home. I’m worried that Steph will fall asleep and won’t hear her phone if there’s an emergency and I’ll be alone.
So because I can’t see into the future to assure myself that everything will be fine, I’m packing all my pills just to be safe.
I’m off my day -to-day meds but I still have some emergency pills. Propanolol for chest pains, Zofran for nausea and Hydroxyzine for when it’s all too much and I need to mildly sedate myself but also function as a human being (aka not xanax).
Cross your fingers for me.
Have a good day, my favorite crudité!
Stephanie has been singing this for the past 24 hours