When I was younger, like preteen-ish age, I was really into HGTV. And then high school happened and I was dancing 6 days a week and therefore never home and then college where I actually was never home and so I just sort of fell off the whole “building your dream home, one log at a time” network.
Now that I’m 26, almost 27, I have some slight perspective on life. And I have come to the realization that my parents are secret millionaires and having been hiding it from me for the majority of my life. I know this because my parents have DirecTV. And I looked up the cost of that shit and it is nottttt cheap. And they don’t have the basic, basic package. They have like, a step up. I’m living some Princess and the Pauper life over here! I thought we were just casual town house dwellers in the ‘burbs, come to find out, these guys must have gold bars buried in the backyard, just like John B. from S-Town! (know your podcasts, kids).
But it’s 2017 now and the aliens in the computer created this neat thing where I can use my parents’ account login to watch the same channels in my home. So I am back into it real, real hard. It’s a very adulty thing I do, still living off of them in such a way. But I have this feeling they appreciate it.
Thursday Thoughts are supposed to be short but I’m this far down the page and have not even started the point of what I wanted to talk about. Which is tiny homes.
So tiny houses, I get it; downsizing, lower cost of utilities, mobility, etc. It’s all very neat and all. But every once in a while I catch an episode of Tiny House Hunters where the couple is ABOUT TO HAVE A BABY. And they’re buying a 200 sq ft house… with fucking lofts!! And probably 95% of the time this is their first baby. And not that I claim to know anything about post-fetuses, but da fuq?! How on earth do these couples intend to get their babies up to the loft? With a pulley system?! (Actually, that sounds pretty dope. I need to make a note of that for my future dream home). And then there are the couples with kids who buy tiny homes (also with lofts for bedrooms) and I think to myself, “Oh. So you guys are finished having kids, huh? You just paid a casual few thousand dollars for the most elite birth control. Or maybe you’re totally cool with sending your kid into a lifetime of therapy and you’re just going at it across the way…”
And in case you were wondering, I could never live in a house less than 500 square feet. I’ve thought long and hard about it, but I’ve watched enough episodes to know that my claustrophobia would be kicking in big time. Add kids to that mix? No way. Those poor things would be in a tent on our lot with our dog because I got tired of hearing them all breathe. Steph could stay inside but probably in the opposite loft because I like to starfish.
Disclaimer: My parents are not secretly rich. They are not stealthy enough to keep a secret of such magnitude. It would probably be nice of me to throw them some dollars in exchange for the premium cable buuuutttt
P.S. I’m running out of drawings. Help.