Mommy, wow! I’m a big chair now!

Not to brag, but the past 24 hours have been really good! It started Sunday night when the wife and I made a spontaneous 10pm trip to the grocery store solely for desserts (wild, I know), caught up on Orphan Black and enjoyed some, ahem, “adult fun”. I woke up hella tired on Monday but really, the work day flew by (it is important to note that work lunch interrupted my happiness as it was salad day aka the worst day ever). Post work I mowed the lawn, which to most people probably feels like a chore, but I put my headphones in and I was dancing all over that rotary mower. Running off that high I worked out in the living room to some Fitness Marshall videos (including the one that the contest winner got to be in…boooo. remember that?), stood outside in the rain (which I adore) and took a delightful shower accompanied by the tunes of Fetty Wap and the likes–a truly inspirational evening.

But the best part of my Monday?? Well, that was the part where I was told numerous times (okay, three times) that I do excellent voice-over work. No one has really said it per se, but I really have the face and body for it, I can tell.

Now let’s back up here a sec so I can fill you in on why I got to grace the world (or at least some of the citizens of Western North Carolina) with my melodic voice. It all started with a dream as they say, or more specifically, a contest. The 48 Hour Film Project to be exact. My friend Micah told me about this and asked if I would like to help out. Eager to shine in front of the camera like the Leo I am, I quickly and excitedly agreed.

Given the prop of “chair” we focused our mini blockbuster hit towards the lives of the chairs themselves. A sort of “The Office meets Toy Story meets Sausage Party meets those things you sit on” extravaganza. Without giving too much away, I can tell you that I voiced the pretty blonde chair. Blonde in that she was a light wood color (I don’t know my trees), not that she donned a wig, as my mother immediately thought.

As this character dubbed “worried chair,” I had to be excited! Yet fearful. Hesitant! Yet relieved. Adorable! But serious. As the human version of me, I really had to sit with what my emotions would be like as the chair version of me. Had to really ruminate on how to capture my sheer chair-ness. And from what I’ve heard, I shot it out of the park. The official premiere is coming quickly upon us and I’m fairly positive I’m about to get discovered. Stay tuned for when I link to the film itself, guys. This will be one to share with the masses so you can say, “I knew her!” or “I have no idea who this chick is but I stumbled across her blog and realized how witty and well-written she is and I immediately became one of her 15 followers which essentially means we’re dating.”

I called my mother whilst in the grocery store to prepare her for my new-found stardom and holy shit this woman is now obsessed. She wanted to know all about the plot and how we organized ourselves and what we might (correction: will) win and oh, did I see the prize categories on the website, and of course everything about Micah and why she likes movies and stuff, but really who even cares about her because all she did was sign up in advance and film the whole thing and direct and spend hours editing and sound designing. So obviously I reminded my mom who the real star of this story is. Me.

Stephanie said that everyone who said I did a great job is just stroking my ego. But consider my ego like a cat. Like a rag doll kitteh who loves to be petted. Or maybe a lion cub who hasn’t learned to eat humans yet, that seems more apropos. So, stroke away my friends! Stroke away!


thanks for reading my blog, chili cheese dog.

P.S. I picked up some Smooth Move tea at the store because do I really need to explain why? And this was on the tea bag holder. Yes, I am hoping for roses. And no, I would not like any thorns…because that sounds much too painful. Too graphic? Meh. Everybody poops. Except me. Right now. Hence the tea.

think about your audience, Smooth Move!

P.P.S. Sometimes I make Steph put my hair into a long-sleeved T-shirt like so because the internet said it would make my hair curly. I just thought you all could use a good laugh at my expense.

yes, those are my giant nips poking through my Women’s March shirt. funny you should ask.


they just don’t make “grinding songs” like they used to


1 thought on “Mommy, wow! I’m a big chair now!

  1. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I look forward to your posts and now to find out you’re on the cusp of chair greatness!! Don’t forget, when you’re giving your acceptance speech to mention the world’s greatest therapist (or at least the greatest therapist in the building!)
    I really miss you. Hope your Smooth Moves gives you some smooth moves.


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