Summer is coming which means warm weather which means it’s much too hot to wear pants and everyone wears half pants aka shorts (or pants, still, if you’re my wife). A few weekends back it was warm enough to break out a pair of these bad boys and oh was I excited. I saw my favorite denim pair and was flooded with disappointment when I remembered that I broke the zipper on them last summer. I felt that my teal pair were an equally solid option and planned my outfit accordingly.
The moment arrived to squish my legs into those suckers and feel the cool breeze against my formerly toned thighs. I managed to get them over my derriere, but failed to get them buttoned. I guess I forgot that gaining such a significant amount of weight means that I will most likely not fit into my clothes anymore. Obviously I started crying immediately. With a blotchy face and a disgustingly runny nose, I settled upon my seriously favorite blue linen shorts with the elastic waistband. My added weight sits in just a way that I truly look pregnant so I might as well embrace the life, right?
Fast forward to now: the two new pairs of shorts I ordered just came in the mail. I was really dragging my feet on this purchase because I am hella poor right now, but then I remembered I’m hitting up a Nats game this weekend and I can’t wear elasti-shorts every day so I called the mothership and asked if she would like to buy something nice for me. She did.
Steph sat on the loveseat as I began my living room fashion show. I pulled on the fun olive-green shorts and knew as soon as they hit my waist that these would in fact be a no-go. Moving on to the denim pair I had high hopes. No one knows why though because these were the exact same shorts in the exact same sizes but in a different color. So as you can imagine, these too did not fit. Except this time I felt insistent, so I proceeded to shove my belly fat around and essentially tuck my stomach into my shorts as if it were a t-shirt. Needless to say my wife said these shorts do not fit and I need yet another size up.