I Can Use a Microwave

Today my wife discovered that I will never leave her because if I did I would starve to death. I thought it was because we’re married and I love her but apparently it’s the former. Honestly, she’s not wrong. If left to my own devices, I essentially don’t eat anything that requires more energy than pouring cereal and milk into a bowl. And god forbid we run out of either, because then I am shit outta luck because I will never make a trip to the grocery store alone unless the disappointment of my wife is hanging on the other end.

I should mention that this is not a new trend. I have always been this way. Take my senior year of high school beach week for example. This was my first multi-day trip sans adults and any meal that wasn’t out at a restaurant was a cheese quesadilla. Not because I have a deep obsession with cheese quesadillas, but because out of the groceries we collectively purchased, the combination of shredded cheese and a tortilla made the most sense to me.

Every. Single. Day.

Fast forward almost ten years later and not much has changed. Today was a work-from-home day (surprisingly enough this is not code for playing hooky, the office was actually closed today) which means I woke up at 10 a.m. (it would have been later but somebody, i.e. my wife, texted me), ate two bowls of cereal, fixed lunch at 2:30 p.m. and stayed in my pajamas until 3:45 p.m. Stephanie sent me a text in the afternoon telling me to scrap the original lunch plan because she wanted to use that food for dinner. Too lazy to check the kitchen, I asked what I should eat instead. Her response (taken word-for-word): “there is pasta and cheese and mozzarella sticks and if you take the chunks of tomotas [sic] [she’s going to kill me for including that typo BUT I SAID WORD FOR WORD] in the can and purée it, use that Italian seasoning we have the spice rice [sic] you can have pasta.” [I would have edited that last part for clarity on her behalf but honestly I’m not sure what she was trying to say…]

Here is what I made:

FullSizeRender (10).jpg
Just realized this picture is blurry but it’s too late to take a better one.

BOOM! And without a recipe to boot. I sent this picture to Stephanie and she was not impressed and suggested that tossing pre-shredded cheese onto a handful of tortilla chips and nuking it in the microwave for 45 seconds is not something to be proud of. I reminded her that I used TWO kinds of cheese and also that Mexican restaurants everywhere serve nachos so basically I am a chef.

I decided to take a break halfway through and save them for later and now I think I may pull some corn salsa out of the fridge and layer it on top to really elevate my dish. Paired with a side of $3 red wine and this plate has been taken to the top. See those bolded words? That’s the vocab of a Mexican chef right there. If you are in need of a meal tonight, feel free to stop by this house and I’ll happily whip you up one of my delicious creations. Options are:

  • 4 cheese mexican nachos
  • authentic mexican nachos
  • cheddar nachos
  • colby-jack nachos
  • mozzarella nachos
  • pepper jack nachos
  • or for 10 cents more, any combination of the above

(Pro-tip: enter through the side door and you’ll already be in the kitchen)


This is my lunch break so now I have to go back to stamping whatever half of 2,500 postcards is.

You’re the bees knees, my lovely swiss cheese!


it’s raining today and I saw this on facebook and literally could not love it more.



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