Day 159 – Warm beer is the best beer

I am going to be totally and completely honest and tell you that if you’re thinking about having a backyard wedding for 90 people, you should strongly reconsider. However, if you happen to have a disposable income, you should absolutely go for it. Remember when we thought we could do this on $6,000? That was a joke. We couldn’t. The only way we could have made it work would be cutting the guest list in half and then some. I would much rather invite 100 people to a park with no intention of feeding them or serving them alcohol (BYOB though, of course) than figure out which 40-45 people get to attend. Luckily though we have some amazing family members who want to help make this an amazing day and helped us out a bit in the financial department. They are saints and we could not have made it this far without them. Literally. The wedding would have been postponed. But as it is the show must go on.

One of the big stressors we have run into is the topic of ice. How the fuck do we keep everything cold in an efficient, easy and cost-effective manner? The answer: I have no idea. We can’t pick up the ice on Friday because we don’t have any way to keep it all frozen, and melted ice is in fact not useful and is otherwise known as water. So it must be collected Saturday. Something I have to regularly remind myself is that I am one of the brides and can therefore not pick up the ice. I try not to think about this too much. So many people have been assigned jobs and they have no idea they even volunteered (feel free to reconsider your RSVP now). So somehow the ice must be picked up in the morning/afternoon and there has to be enough for the keg, the bottles and cans and the tea and water (I’m probably forgetting things). It would also be nice if we could not spend a million dollars on multiple bags of ice. I read somewhere on the interweb that we need one 25lb of ice for every 12 people, so that’s about 8 or 9 bags of ice. I did find one of those ice vending machines about 40 minutes away, but that still hasn’t answered the question of who will pick it up and when. And where are we getting all these coolers to store said ice? I got on the google and found two ice distributors that will work events. One place told me that the venue is too far, the other I have not heard from (although my guess is that it’s probably too expensive to have someone deliver ice). Basically my question is, is everyone cool with warm beer?

We also opted out of having the cake delivered from Statesville, another 40 minute drive, to save money. I’ll have to check my list to see who we signed up for this one without their knowledge or consent. Whoever you are, you get first dibs on cupcakes. In fact, you can have two cupcakes. Lucky you.

On a positive note, whilst searching for these elusive ice people, I simultaneously sought out farms in the Salisbury area. I contacted four or five places asking if they loan hay bales. You’ve seen pinterest, yes? The rustic farm wedding is so in right now. Our plan was to have hay bales as seating for the ceremony and real chairs (read: no straw) for the reception. Having very minimal farm knowledge, neither of us really knew how to procure said bales, but I could imagine that they would be at least $3 a piece to rent. And we need at least 45 bales. That shit adds up. Before researching, the backup plan was to have an interactive wedding, the kind where you drag your chair from the ceremony to the reception. Luckily the ceremony and reception are about a roll in the hay away from each other (this is not a real idiom, I made it up, but it’s rather apropos, is it not?). I received a call one evening informing me of a Nursery in the area (not for babies, mind you) that loans out bales of hay. Steph gave them a call and they have agreed to give us 40 or 50 hay bales…fo free! Consider these bales your new best friend, treat them well, look out for them; because if any of these suckers busts we owe the Nursery $6. Each. Here’s where I took the “Exciting Moment” bubble and popped the shit out of it. I started googling fabric. We can’t not cover the bales, because everyone will hate us. Hay/straw is itchy and pokey as fuck. Ideally, the bales would be covered in thick quilts, but again, we are not millionaires. Burlap seems like the cheapest material that also happens to be slightly thick (it also keeps with that whole rustic vibe the kids are really into these days). But we need 45-50 yards of it. And while cheap, it still costs almost $100. So there’s a chance everyone may still be hauling chairs from one side of the field to the other. Consider it your weightlifting workout.

I’m so panicked about our finances I have considered cancelling the DJ, losing the deposit and spending the next few months building massive playlists on Spotify to play on the iPad through the Simpson’s chargeable speaker. Still mulling this one over. The wedding coordinator situation is also an issue. I think we absolutely need one because there are so many various things to coordinate on the day of (that supposedly neither I nor Steph will have time to handle) but finding room in the budget to make that happen feels incredibly difficult. Maybe between now and then we can figure out how to add more hours to the day. Can you tell my anxiety is amped up right now? I had a dream the other night that it was the day before the wedding and we were exactly where we are now in the planning process. Nothing had been decorated, glow sticks had not been purchased, we had no money set aside to tip vendors…when I woke up I legitimately thought it was the day of the wedding and almost barfed. Soooo after our 4th of July trip to Salisbury I am to take a 7 day hiatus from the planning. This will be difficult as it is always in the back of my mind but I am going to do my best to relax, step away and have what the south likes to call a “come to Jesus moment” with myself. [Note: I have no idea if the come-to-Jesus adage is southern. I tried to google the etymology to no avail. I shall continue to assume it has deep southern roots.]

Alright. That is enough crazy for today. Have to save something for next time.


tata for now, baby cow!
(because veal doesn’t rhyme…)



this is not music, but do not be disappointed. this is a glimpse into what I will be like when I grow a human and I’m full of hormones.



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