Day 88 – What baby?

A lot has been going on in the past 21 days (none of which was wedding related) and yet it feels like nothing has happened since my last post that feels worthy of writing about. Our soccer team, the Goal Diggers, made it to playoffs and came in second. We just barely missed out on the Mint t-shirts and instead got this weird shade of lavender.image We play for the merchandise, obviously. If you know me from yore then you will probably see the humor that lies in the thought of me on a soccer field. I can be aggressive as fuck though and slide tackle with the best of them. Disregard the fact that I am usually slipping and sliding into someone gracefully when this does happen. [Side note: literally as I type these sentences about soccer, Chipotle texts me a BOGO offer in support of Youth Soccer. Thank god we’re friends.] We also went to our first RiverDogs game of the season. And for those not from Charleston, that would be the minor league baseball team here, owned by the illustrious Bill Murray himself, and formerly known as The Rainbows (in all their gay glory).

There is one thing worth mentioning though: April Fool’s Day. I love holidays, most all of them, always have. And for a few very simple reasons: 1. I love parties 2. I love dressing up 3. I love decorations 4. I love a common theme shared by many. Growing up, Christmas was always my favorite. Between the snow and the presents and the classic films, it felt so magical. But now I’m 25 and lot of that magic is gone, no matter how hard I’ve tried to hang on. It’s difficult to mentally prepare for the season in 70 degree weather. And gift giving can be stressful on a non profit salary (honestly, on any salary). So I have gravitated towards some of the “smaller” holidays. St. Patrick’s Day is obviously a front-runner, I loved walking around downtown and seeing so many strangers all dressed in green. And I’ll never say no to a good ole Irish Car Bomb. Mardi Gras, as I have mentioned before, is also a favorite. Cinco de Mayo! (Even though I think as Americans we have totally ruined the holiday, but hey, I’m not one to deny any excuse to wear a sombrero and drink margaritas). Now I realize that April Fool’s Day is wildly different than everything I have mentioned, but it does hold #4 to be true and honestly could have #1-3 depending on what you cook up. There’s also a competitive spirit to it that I crave. It has been many, many years since I have participated though. To give you an idea, I was big on exploding gum, money glued to the ground, soap filled with ink that will dye your skin, saran wrapping the toilet seat…very low key pranks I could pull on my parents. But now we live in the age of the internet and facebook! While I would have loved to pull an office prank, A. I wasn’t prepared and B. I wasn’t totally sure that anyone would actually find it funny…and I really need paychecks. So I took to the world wide web. I texted Steph in the afternoon and told her all the stupid stunts I would try to pull as a wee lass, I really laid it on thick so she would know how much I miss participating. I offered a proposition, “What if we tell everyone it’s a shotgun wedding?” She seemed in favor of the idea but it was through text so who can ever tell these things for sure. I told her that if we were going to do this, her mother would need to be in on it, because it’s way too soon for me to be despised (and it’s never a good idea to toy with a Mimi’s emotions). I head home that night to find my lovely fiancee slaving away over a hot stove and I burst out, “are we going to do this?!” She agrees and I promptly call Mama Haney and lay out my plan. I have to tell you honestly, I really did not think people would fall for this. Maybe one or two old high school friends or friends of friends, but definitely no one close to me. I was hella wrong. Now, I did try to make this story super believable. We decided that Steph was already 3 1/2, maybe four months along (many people also assumed that because I was posting, I was preggers) which would put the

image
the post in question

fetus arriving in late September, early October. Which would mean we would have a baby at the wedding. If you recall from your Biology class or Human Sciences many years ago, Steph and I can’t make a baby all that easily. So this hypothetical situation would have been planned and not so accidental. Who plans for a baby just weeks before a wedding?!? Which is why I figured no one would think it was real. And yet way too many people did. I’m a terrible human being and I had so much fucking with everyone. Steph, on the other hand, hid in the bathroom and wept silently out of sheer guilt. I promise though, the next time we post about a mini Miller, it will be real. It will also be in 5-10 years.

 

 

As for the wedding, I have realized over the past few weeks that this large party that I’m so excited to throw isn’t for another whole half of a year. So the shininess of planning has sort of faded and I’m a bit bored with it all. It will come back soon enough though. For now, I’d much rather focus my energy on what to wear to Bey in a few weeks. Anyone want to pick out a new necklace under $15 for me?

Catch ya later, sweet tomater’!

 

this is important to watch

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