Day 44 – I’m not really a lesbian (shh don’t tell)

First off, I want you all to know that I went to a bar last night for some quality Harry Potter trivia and had two rather large beers with a side of tater tots. And you know what? They were fucking delicious. This diet suggests that we only have 2 alcoholic beverages. A week. But I don’t like that plan so I’m going to keep drinking the tall beers. I also foresee a sweet treat of sorts in my weekend and I’m really looking forward to it.

So, as the title suggests, I’m not really a lesbian. I am what you might call, bisexual. I don’t find it particularly important that everyone in the world know my sexuality, it honestly doesn’t bother me one way or another, however I do find it important for people to understand that just because I’m marrying a woman, I don’t stop being bi. My attraction to men doesn’t magically disappear, it simply lessens the way my attraction to other women does. You know, because of my smokin’ hot fiancée that I’ll have forever. A lot of people, queer and straight alike, don’t believe in the bisexuals. We are merely a myth to them. Things people believe about their bi comrades: we want to have more options (this isn’t entirely wrong), we don’t want to admit to being gay so we hold onto being bi (uh hello. have you seen the title of my blog?), once we settle down the fate of our sexuality is decided for us (I think I answered this already). I don’t care what anyone calls me really, at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter, but I do feel the necessity to take a moment to educate the youth of the nation we are we are the youth of the nation (yea. throwing it back right there. YouTube P.OD. if you didn’t catch that reference).

I often wonder if knowing this would make things easier for my mom. My guess is no though. That it wouldn’t really make a difference. We haven’t talked about the wedding in the past month. And by talked about I mean me telling her that we got a block of hotel rooms and her telling me that she has to go because she has a lot to do and it was a long day. Good conversations all around. Lots of dialogue. Very deep and meaningful. I still haven’t told her that I got a dress. I have received a few different opinions on how this topic should be approached. Right now I am clearly going with the ignore it and you don’t have to deal with it style. Should I call her? Send her a text? Write a letter? No matter what, the end result is the same. Radio silence. Or the dreaded, “I don’t know what you want me to say.” The night Steph proposed we celebrated hard. And I mean hard. I called my mom at the end of the night to share the good news. I’ll be honest and tell you that I don’t remember the majority of the conversation. I do remember getting into a fight, telling her everything I ever wanted to say (some of which probably wasn’t very nice) and sobbing hysterically. I should also mention that my engagement was not a surprise to my mom the way it was to me. Steph sent a letter to my parents, giving them the date (October 3 to be exact) and inviting them to the surprise party. Obviously she never received a response. So on the night of the 3rd she should have seen the phone call coming. But I think she did the ole “out of sight, out of mind” for those two months leading up to it. When I called her to tell her that we had set a date she was surprised to hear that it would be a year out and not a week. I think that was her way of saying everything is happening quickly and out of the blue. I can imagine it would feel that way if you were ignoring it. Like a chem exam that you’re absolutely dreading. Ignore it for weeks because you know that no matter how hard you study you’re just going to bomb it and then fuck, the exam is in two days. Believe me when I tell you that I’m trying to give her time and space. That I can’t imagine what it’s like to come from her generation and have an unexpectedly gay child, and one that you adopted no less. But I can only give her so much time, you know? Because the wedding is happening on October 22 no matter what.

I think I’m handling all of this exceptionally well. I do realize I’m blasting all of this on the interweb, that concept is not lost on me, but I don’t regret it (yet). I feel the need to throw mothership updates in here every once in while. I’ll let you know how the whole dress thing goes (if it ever does).

So long, King-Kong!



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