Day 9 – BedSheets and BroomSticks

I think today’s post is going to be all over the place. I can’t decide if I want to lead with the jokes or end with them. Make a nice sandwich perhaps? Mmm. Ice cream sandwich. Today my boss told me that there were ice cream sandwiches in the freezer if I wanted to go get one. She paused and then announced to the office (all 6 of us) that everyone is welcome to them but that I specifically happen to be the most…”bold.” That’s her nice way of saying I eat a lot. Honestly, I don’t mind that title at all. In fact I quite embrace it. Because it means that I get the leftovers when the suits go out to lunch. Plus I think she really likes that I’m the office garbage (it sounds self deprecating but I promise it’s not).

Obviously one of the main focuses of this wedding for Steph and I is to find ways to save money. $6,000 is an overwhelmingly stressful budget when you insist on inviting 100 people. And I want this wedding to be a massive dance party so I’m pretty hell bent on that. This fear of overspending leads me to come up with some ridiculous ideas like building a 20×40 foot tent all by myself. There’s a small part of me that is a bit sad that I won’t be constructing and documenting construction of said tent but there’s a bigger part of me that’s uber happy that our guests will stay dry when the heavens open. We have some incredibly awesome family members to thank for that, namely my soon-to-be mother-in-law Sara and aunt-in-law Janice (that’s a thing, yes?) for being magical creatures and helping us out with this totally rad party. I still might build a dance floor though, so the chances of me losing a finger is a bit high. I imagine it would be the pinky finger though and I’m fairly certain you don’t need that one.

I mentioned to Steph that we forgot to budget for tables. There’s still room in the budget so I’m not too worried about them specifically but I am worried that we keep forgetting and then remembering things that cost money (i.e. tip. You have to tip the shit out of people. Someone should tell you to set aside a few hundred just to tip the various people you’re already paying. Actually I’ll tell you. Are you getting married soon? Don’t forget tipping!!! You’ll look like an ass if you don’t do it). I texted her from work asking if we can cover the tables in bed sheets. Here is what ensues:

S: I feel like they would need to be pretty thick and bed sheets aren’t going to be cheaper than what we see on this site
[always gotta be the voice of reason, amirite?]
M: I still like the bed sheets idea
M: Because then someone can take a nap if they want
M: Also bed sheets from our closet #FoFree
S: ….

She laughed and said no. Which I don’t understand because I think this is a brilliant idea. I have some teal polka dot twin sheets, Roxy Brand, still fairly good condition, would look so great on a rectangle table. It has to be a rectangular table though because it’s a fitted sheet. I’m full of good ideas. Oh! Here’s an example of another idea I had. Have you ever seen the show How I Met Your Mother? I will tell you about a particular episode in case you haven’t. Ted is getting married (finally) (also, spoilers) and the days leading up to the big moment are spent largely at the bar. Lily has a Linus on hand. A Linus, in case you are

Is this copyright infringement? I don’t know rules…

unfamiliar, is a bartender whose name is Linus and who replenishes your drink anytime he sees that it’s empty or hears you say, “Linus.” Now I need you to take a moment and say Linus out loud. Did you do it? Ok good. I tell Steph that we need a Linus for the wedding and she very adamantly and aggressively tells me no. A look of absolute befuddlement washes over my face. She proceeds to tell me that for the same reason we can’t have Max (our dog) or a horse at the ceremony, we too cannot have a Linus. Well now I am confused. “Steph. I want a Linus. Why can’t I have a Linus?” “BECAUSE LIONESSES ARE DANGEROUS” You see what happened there? She thought I was asking for a lady lion. Which is adorable. And also something I now want. She said yes to my Linus request once she realized what I was asking for because anything is better than a massive wild cat that eats people. But really, how badass would I look entering the ceremony on the back of a magnificent lady cat?! Beyonce-level badass. That’s how I’d look.

I’m still not quite sure how to end these posts…

Gossip Girl

I’ll keep brainstorming…


1 thought on “Day 9 – BedSheets and BroomSticks

  1. damn, you are seriously funny. did i say seriously?


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